ventilated on Xanga

ventilated

Name: "toneeo"
Location: New Jersey, United States
Birthday: 8/22/1987
Gender: Male

Interests: schoolin` it. family`n it. "not rambling on and on about what i 'do'. churchin` and prayin` it.
Expertise: not letting anything get to me. knowing the "real" aside from the "cloaked".
Occupation: Student

Message: message me
Website: visit my website

Member Since: 2/7/2003

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Saturday, September 06, 2003

yessssssss ! new job..

haagen dazs + samgoody @ garden state plaza.

i dont know how im gonna do it.. but.. i'll find a way !

lol.

visit meeeeee =)

/ type edit____ oh yeah. i havent updated the pics for a while. i've beeeeeen shaven mayne. you'll see.. hopefully soon.

3:34 PM - 13 views - 8 eprops - 4 comments - email it

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

damn.. bored at work like WHOA all the time...

VISIT meeeee!! i work at haagen dazs at garden state plaza in the lower level next to the food court and across from footlocker. HOLLA ATCHO BOIIIII. =)

yessssssssssss.

9:04 PM - 7 views - 20 eprops - 11 comments - email it

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

metamorphasis..

in a way, i'm still unsure about everything.. but i thought about a lot of things today ..and just knowing that i may have a chance there in vegas.. i've finally decided.. that if my parents are moving i am going to move with my parents.. but it's funny and almost saddening to think about these people who claim that they want me to say.. but all i have to say is... PROVE IT. so far, all of you had given me absolutely no reason to stay at all.. so i guess i had to make this decision myself, but i'm still soo unsure.

in a way, maybe this point of my life is sort of a metamorphasis phase that i have to deal with.. but i've felt that i've been in this situation for these 4-5 years. maybe it's my time to finally move on.. whether it means that it may get even worse over there, or possibly and fortunately better. i believe i'm ready to take that chance, but who knows.. a lot can happen within a time interval of 6 months. basically it has a lot to deal with growing up..

remember when i stated that ignorance is such a shame? now i'm hoping that i was ignorant of such emotions.. the pain lasts much longer if i was unaware of my true surroundings. but now i'm just being selfish.. that's reality folks.

12:10 AM - 5 views - 8 eprops - 4 comments - email it

Thursday, July 03, 2003

in the depths of solitude..

wow. i havent updated this xanga stuff for a while now.. well.. as for me. there really isn't an explanation on how i've been. this feelings catching up to me again. most of you guys don't know what it's all about. but .. it all ultimately leads to... a nevermind.. if any of you guys understand that. i was thinking ... wow. i've changed these past few years and grown.. but i basically realized that all that was bull. i never really changed.. i just stayed the same old me .. now with just a mask to cover it. what i've basically learned is to be not afraid of saying... i hate life .. no i am not pessimistic .. and obviously nor am i optimistic.. i just basically hate life and all who dwell in the feeling of it being exstacy.. im not angry at life or whatnot. but im just beginning to lose a lot of faith. no i dont want to hear all this bullsh!t about no its going to be okay.. pity nor pride doesn't even matter to me no more..

what i've basically achieved through 16 years of all this crap and a positive mentality... is absolutely nothing. because at the end.. nothing ever really matters.. the simple problems and "bumps in the road" that people come across is simply petty if you look at things in a certain, more "general" perspective. and this kind of mentality or whatever you guys want to call it .. makes you not afraid of death or even anything.. at the end.. what is there to fear ? i can just basically say.. that i've lost that passion to live.. that i don't have anything to live for... but purpose.. and NO this does not mean im contemplating suicide for you simple minded people out there.. but im just realizing..

i have so many questions in my mind.. that asks.. why? i finally admit.. that im actually not good at ANYTHING. wow. its just that... i can't seem to excel at anything.. damn... but all this ends up with .. "do i really belong here?" .. am i really supposed to dwell in this environment and learn from it.. or am i mistakingly placed here.. not having any common interest .. to just be placed where im MEANT to be in the future , but for the mean time stay here and suffer b!tch.. ? is that it. ? i have no clue.. even someone that i've called my best friend agreed that i dont fit in with anyone over here.. that .. im just that puzzle piece that mysteriously doesn't fit into the whole puzzle even though the whole puzzle is in place except for that ONE piece.. phew.. it's hard dealing with all this by myself.. but.. i guess i've realized that all i have is myself since "im the lone, mistaken puzzle piece" .. and after all.. i was so cocky thinking that my minds set above all the others that i've found the true meaning of my life because of me.. but no.. let's be real here.. i've been pushed into a corner being forced to realize all this. THIS is not a state of mind.. THIS is a state or realization.. 3 more years and ur out of belleville she said.. but what happens after that. ? it's hard to live for the moment when the moment has nothing to live for...

i've realized that .... i have no lifesaver... and all who think they are my friends are all acquaintences along for the ride to just ... be there i guess... i know it may sound like i hate all of you ... but hopefully you guys can realize where i'm coming from though.. if not .. then i'm not sorry.. because sorries are for regrets.. and i dont regret what i've been pushed to see... it's difficult to decide whether i'm just simply insignificant to this whole thing.. or im supposed to make one big difference. but i know that i'm so insignificant to all your lives. and all who say that i'm not. go look in the mirror and check yourself..

i'm not looking for pity, nor sermons, nor "keep your head up, just have faith" . to be honest with you.. i'm not looing for anything.. nor am i looking for any advice.. its just.. the truth .. they all say "thats how life is..and life is what you make of it" ... but no.. i say there's many factors that are unexplainable that lead to how you live your life... i say.. its okay to live your life to the fullest.. but it's okay to live your life and drown in the depths of sorry. because ultimately .. thats how it is...

well.... all that ... leading to the decision whether i should go with my family to live in vegas.. or stay with my brother in jersey.. is vegas where i belong? or is it just another bad decision.. there's certainly nothing i can possibly leave back in jersey. since i never had anything here in the first place.. but .. i dont know.. i should just sulk in these walls of solitude.. and oh yeah. please dont say.. it sucks if you move.. because you and i know .. no one would ever focking care.. thanks.

its finally nice to say... i hate everything .. and i hate me..

thats just great...

5:53 PM - 4 views - 6 eprops - 3 comments - email it

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

_______________________

EDIT

hahaha. as i was looking through some random xangas. i came upon my friend SUSIE's xanga.. omg. she explained yesterday wayyyy better than i did!! i forgot that i left out verrrry funny/important/memorable moments. haha. but yeah, this was taken from susie's xanga, and it also explains what i liked about it too =D:

"had a nice day i think althought its painful thinkin about the damn shoes.. wat makes today great...

1. sperms 2. fruitsnacks 3. the wall 4. the pole 5.bk 6. ice cream 7. more fruitsnacks 8. "time flies when ur walkin around with ugly pple" -antonio 9. J 10. "wanksta" 11. sook and her wonderful fashion show 12. the photo album LOL 13. biOtch 14. staring contest 15.yummy lookin air force 1s 16. sook's very short skirt 17. phone with the love of my life "

hahah. ok. maybe numbers 9 and 17 weren't necessarily my favorites. (naturally) . but yeah. my infamous saying.. "time flies when you're walking around with ugly people..." lmao. ahhh.. madd chill. we should do it again. as s0ok would say. =]

END EDIT //

_____________________________

ayeeee.

woohoo. today was fun/tiring. well.. i promise ya'll i would never talk about what i did and stuff. but s0ok is forcing me too.. and she did it on hers , so i dont wanna be rude. maybe i can break my rule jus fer today. -=) . anywho's. i woke up at 11. yay.. called up kev, karen, and sook. kev and karen decided to ditch us at the last minute. and i asked joe online. he thought about it.... thought about it... thought about it... and decided not to GO. cuz he had crew practice. haha. but itz ironic what happened to him. i'll talk about it latah. well. anywh0os. the people that ended up going from the origing EIGHT people were: me, sook, her friend susie, and jae. wooohoo. we had buttmunches of fun. yay. we just mainly fooled around. i got into A LOT of fights there.. mainly with the wall and the poles though. cuz they kept on walking towards me. stupid wall.. can't they see where they're walking? haha. anywhos. we met jae's friend rich, he saved his number on my phone (iunno why?), etc. etc. umMm.. what else? took forever lookin for susie's shoes. DAMN PICKY! but yeah.. we threw gummy stuff around. i shot one in susie's boobz. yeSss !! great aim tonee0o! ^5! hahaha. then. we went home pretty early.. and thanks a bunch to Rich for letting us use his metrocard . =]. and yeah . thats bout it..

iunnoe. there's sumthing about public transportation that i love.. it reminds me of the go0od ol` daays in jersey city where i used to take the bus just to go to the doctor with my mom.. the ghettooooo.. maddd memories. some good , some bad. ahhhhh.

seeee! that'z why i dont talk about wah i do ?! cuz it takes so much friggin space and s0o much details. lol. well.. s0o much for philosophical. =]. shut up.

im ouuuuuuuut.

10:28 PM - 3 views - 10 eprops - 7 comments - email it

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pictorials are here!

attention: if any doesn't show up, just right click the picture not showing, and click show picture until it shows up. sorry for any inconvenience
L-R 1. me and viv wierdin` it.. 2. "we're the shiiit!" siike! haha

3.kev, viv, and me coolin' it.. 4. we looked messed up! lols. viv, me. pack you!

5. yup. Verna sucks! lol. with the burberry styles. 6. eww. viv doin that Pose!